Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was confusing and full of hummus
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I pour the whiskey from now on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
