fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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