i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
