And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
