I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize