I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
