Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
