I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
