I can text with my tongue
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
