i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
