Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize