He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He has the fingertips of a God
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