i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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