the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
