Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
