WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
