careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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