Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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