apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
