I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
