How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
