This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
