So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
