I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
