i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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