I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize