On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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