we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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