So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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