oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
