and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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