One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
