it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
