24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
