No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my being single is dangerous.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize