I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
