you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
