Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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