do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
