sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
