Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
