he puts the penis in happiness.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize