the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize