In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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