Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
