Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
