Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
