Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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