i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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