Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
