...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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