I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
