Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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