"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
