She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
