a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
