so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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