Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
