just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
