Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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