you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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