i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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