U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
