Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
