You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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