Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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