i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
