I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
